Nuke Box

A very curious device of alien construction, the Nuke Box is a portable restroom facility used by characters in The Angst Guy's fic, "A Hard Days' Night."

Designed by an alien race notable for its green, multi-legged physical makeup, Nuke Boxes were the response to the aliens' need for sanitary, plentiful facilities to relieve themselves of bodily waste. (Part of a Sick, Sad World episode about these aliens appeared in the Daria episode, "It Happened One Nut.")

Nuke Boxes are teleportation devices of limited scope and specific function; individuals inside the device are not subject to teleportation, but undergoes a quantum-level scanning procedure which incorporates detailed biological information on the type and gender of the species using the device; all materials categorized as unnecessary to the life form’s continued health are immediately teleported out of the user's body. A curious side effect of the device is that, when used with the appropriate setting, Nuke Boxes are capable of healing any detrimental physical conditions from which a person suffers. In that, Nuke Boxes may actually be the first step toward the creation of the fabled Fountain of Youth and virtual immortality. Another use of a Nuke Box is to strip metahumans of their powers and make them normal humans (except those born with powers, who gained their powers through mystical or extraterrestrial means, or who gained their powers at or during puberty).

Nuke Boxes must be carefully calibrated before each use for the individual user. The devices are not foolproof; they cannot affect congenital conditions with which the user has been afflicted (e.g., myopia), and they cannot discern several classes of items the user may have upon his/her person: most individuals find it better to simply disrobe fully before entering a Nuke Box, as all extraneous items (glasses, jewelry, clothing, etc.) may be teleported away, as with certain vestigial or redundant organs and/or body parts deemed unnecessary.

Nuke Boxes are preprogrammed for use by humans, with settings for both genders encoded within. It is crucial to ensure that the correct settings are in place before using the device, as the machine cannot differentiate between genders; using a Nuke Box encoded for the opposing gender can result in an unintended gender realignment procedure that results in the user becoming a fully-functional member of the opposing gender.

The devices are run on replaceable energy cells, which means that a Nuke Box has only a limited number of uses. (The specific number of uses is unknown at this time, but power usage may also be determined by the size, species, and gender of the user and the complexity of the scan/transport process involved with that user.) Because of this, Nuke Boxes are considered (for Terran species) to be used only in case of emergency.

The location where waste materials from a Nuke Box are teleported, as well as the means of disposal of such materials, is currently unknown.