Cleatopia.com



Cleatopia was a fantasy football website run by Todd K. Feichmann, using the high school football teams of Carter County. Kevin Thompson eagerly promoted it on his 2000 website update: "See, this kid named Todd K. Feichmann who helped me with my web page last year decided to put his smartness to non-nerdy use to start the league. And he only charges $29.99 to join: he says he needs the money for something called a particle decelebrator. Some kind of fancy vacuum cleaner, I guess."

What Kevin did not realise despite it being on the front page of Cleatopia was that Feichmann was using this to mess with jocks:

"Hello, Kevin! Welcome to the first fantasy football site devoted to local high school jocks like yourself, who have tortured me mercilessly for years, rattling my will and shattering my fragile psyche until all that's left is a resentful, hypersensitive outcast who harbors vengeful visions of triumphant payback. Now I can finally suck your wallets dry and prove my intellectual superiority at the same time.

"We also have real time stats, destructive viruses, and annoying clone bots for you to download. Have fun!

"Founder and Visionary Todd K. Feichmann"

The game spit out a list of injuries and humiliations that befell the players, as well as psychological digs at Kevin:

''Brendan Mulrooney (Lawrenceville) dislocated his shoulder while participating in an exuberant "high five." He is currently resting at home on a bunch of fluffy pillows.''

''Theodore Wozniak (Oakwood) has recovered from a strained groin muscle which Brittany Taylor (Head Cheerleader of Lawndale) seemed to know an awful lot about. Hmmmm...''

''Manu Breeze (Briarwood) is done for the year due to an outburst of Roid Rage, which left the rest of the squad with minor cuts and bruises. He is also suffering from liver damage, premature baldness, and shrunken testicles. Coincidence, I guess.''

''Howie Scrapple (Eagleton) mistook the bleachers for a 7-man sled during practice. He was placed on injured reserve due to the fact that he now has a dent in his head.''

''Ryan Tetherhooks (Oakpine) was sidelined when run over by a field stripper last Thursday. He will be out indefinitely with this like gigantic body cast with so much room you can sign no matter how big you write. Hear that, Taproots? Ha ha!''

Kevin Thompson (Lawndale) is currently nursing a sore facial cheek but is expected to play on Saturday. (Kevin, who'd been whacked by Brittany for fantasising about other girls during fantasy football, added: "If I screw up again I'll have to get like a glass eye and join the Witness Rejection Program.")

Kevin was despondent after picking himself: "I would trade myself now but no one wants me. I throw too many interceptions, sometime I get confused and call out phone numbers instead of plays, and I keep tripping over my laces (can't I remember to doubleknot?) I suck, I suck, I suck!"

Trivia
This site gave us a list of rival school teams for Lanwdale to go with [[Oakwood] (Traproots): the Briarwood Beefalo, Eagleton Elephant Seals, Lawrenceville Locusts, Oakpine Native Americans, Mo Udall High Marmosets, and Lakeland Bichon Frises.

It also confirmed Mack is the running back of the team.