Beavis and Butt-head issue 4
Beavis and Butt-head #4 was the May 1994 issue of the Beavis and Butt-head comic. All strips and features were done by Mike Lackey (writer), Rick Parker (art and lettering), and Bob Sharen (colours), with Glenn Eichler as consultant. Unlike previous issues, all the strips tied together. Contents
Beavis and Butt-head are staring into a tattoo parlour with awe, utterly impressed by a huge scary dude. They swiftly decide they need to get tattoos so they'll be cool too, when:
- Butt-head: Huh huh! It's Diarrhea!
- Beavis: Heh heh heh! She thinks she's funny, heh heh, but she's wet and runny!
- Daria: *hmmph* Interesting... variation, Beavis... are you guys going to get tattooed?
- Butt-head: Uhhhh... yeah... Huh huh. Tattoos are cool!
- Beavis: Heh heh heh! Daria doesn't like cool stuff!
- Daria: That's where you're wrong! Many cultures revered tattoos as body art... (close-up of her mouth) which, when combined with body piercing, provided the basis for dozens of religious rituals... for example, among the ancient Mayans who considered it fashion for ecstacy...
- Beavis: Hey Butt-head, heh heh, what's es... esteksy?
- Butt-head: Huh huh. It's like when you spank your monkey...
- Beavis: Oh... OH... YEAH!
- Daria: (walks off) ...just remember, guys... you'll have those tattoos forever!
The boys chortle that forever isn't long, and enter the tattoo parlour (wrecking the owner's latest tattoo in the process). They're just in time to catch a special deal of getting free tickets to American Amazons with each tattoo, and are incredibly impressed by the owner and his tattoos: "What's it like bein' cool?". As Beavis takes his shirt off (sickening Butt-head with pit stench), the two discuss their tattoos - Beavis wants a naked chick so "it always looks like I'm doin' it!" - and discover the device used to pierce noses. Butt-head stabs Beavis with it - "that was COOL! Pierce my butt!" - while the owner orders them to stop, as "this here's a union shop!" and he's now gotten drunk enough to carry out the tattoos.
As Daria looks in through the window, Beavis and Butt-head get their tattoos... or would if they didn't immediately scream in pain and jump off the bench when the process starts. When they demand their free tickets afterwards, the owner hands them over just to get the buggers to go away, and off they bike, shirtless and boasting they're "tattooed biker dudes" (the only mark on either one is a tiny dot, visible only by microscope).
Beavis and Butt-head have reached the American Amazons mud-wrestling match, and are absolutely loving it because it's big-breasted woman, violence, and mud. ("She'll feel that tomorrow, Mean Gene!" "I'm going to feel mine tonight!" "Cool!") During a break, the lads sneak off to raid supplies from the stadium so they can cross dress and thus gain entry to the women's changing rooms. It is a truly terrible sight ("Huh huh. My boobs're bigger 'n yours!" "Shut up! Heh heh! I ran out of paper towels!"). By accident, however, they wander into the arena instead and are mistaken for contestants...
And completely by accident, manage to knock over the Amazons and thus become the new champions (to the disgust of the crowd: "They're ugly!"). That's when their disguises come off, revealing them as men, and the Amazons enact a violent revenge... ("This is, like, sexual hair ass munch!")
In order to escape, the lads flee to the nearest building: Mistress Cora's, a seedy "exotic shows" club run by an octogenerian dominatrix. They're mistaken by Mistress Cora Anthrax as the strippers she ordered and are taken inside to don their costumes. The duo have no idea where they are, but realise it "smells like puke and beer" and therefore "it's pretty cool!". Moments later, the duo are sent on stage to provide exotic dances for an audience of young women including Daria (WAIT WHAT?).
The audience, naturally, is disgusted by the sight (especially when Beavis farts on stage), but do attract the amorous attention of a random biker girl. Mistress Cora launches an attack on the biker, as the dancers are her property, but gets knocked aside. The biker chick takes Beavis and Butt-head out with her ("Heh heh mmm heh heh!"), but Mistress Cora launches a pursuit in "th' Sado-Mobile!", demanding the duo are returned as "they're due to jump out of a cake in 30 minutes!". The bike is neutralised by Cora's "leather-and-lace-net!", but the situation ends when Cora discovers Beavis and Butt-head aren't the strippers after all, when the real men - huge, beefy ones - turn up. Everyone happily departs, leaving the lads alone to reflect on the existence of a job where chicks touch you and give you money: "I've found my calling, Beavis!" "Yeah! Me too! It's in my pants!!" "huh huh huh heh heh heh".
- Activity Page, where Beavis and Butt-head show off pranks for school that the readers sent in ("...of Longwood, California." "Heh! You said Longwood!")
- "Reviews" of Silver Surfer ("It's that dude from Midnight Oil!"), and She-Hulk ("Comics with big thingies are cool!")
- Butt-Mail, where the lads answer fan mail (which is irritatingly hard to read)
- Daria in a strip club.
- Daria looks slightly bored at Mistress Cora's.
- "It's a Miserable Life" states Butt-head destroyed Daria's interest in boys, and this would explain how he did it.
- Daria has a notably different policy towards piercings and tattoos here than in "Pierce Me" mostly because it doesn't involve her getting one.
- Beavis gets in a proper dig against Daria, something he never pulled off on the show.
- The second time in the comics where, similar to a few episodes like "Career Day", Daria tries to explain things to the lads in a straight manner (though so far in the comics, she's been far more in-depth and dorky about it). With her initial reaction to Beavis, however, hints of her sarcasm are showing through.
- Cora is an extremely minor character from Beavis and Butt-head, appearing once in one of the earliest episodes, but in spinoff media she'll keep appearing.
- Daria in a strip club.