Dear Diarrhea

Dear Diarrhea is the letters page for the 9th issue (September 1994) of Beavis and Butt-head, where Daria Morgendorffer answered reader's letters. It's the first instance of off-canon canon.

• Daria: As a favor to Mr. Van Driessen, I'm helping tutor Beavis and Butt-head in reading. I thought we'd start with what is ludicrously referred to as their "fan mail".

The first letter suggests that Daria must have a crush on the lads as she keeps finding reasons to be around them. It then goes on to suggest she needs to wear less clothes and they should send lingerie catalogues to her house, so she can get a black lace teddy or something else kinky. "That would rule."

• Daria: I'm going to put on a black lace teddy in #473 when Beavis and Butt-head are magically transformed into Mel Gibson and Keanu Reeves.

The second asks what the lads would do to America to either of them became President.

• Daria: Destroy it... NEXT QUESTION!

The third, from a female reader, argues with an earlier letter about B&B's jokes about women (he had a problem and she doesn't).

• Daria: Jennifer, it is equally important that both you and Matthew be allowed to express yourselves, as freedom of speech is your right as an American. The same right gives us the freedom to publish this (ahem) "masterpiece".

Someone asks which of the lads gets the most babes.

• Daria: It's more like "which one of you gets any babes?".

The fifth and final asks when they're going to score with Daria.

• Daria: ALL RIGHT! That's IT! For the record... I would rather sunbathe naked on Mercury without suntan lotion than go out with either Beavis or Butt-head.

She finally announces the winners of the Beavis and Butt-head look-alike competition, and ends the page telling us:

• Daria: That was too much... I have to lie down...

Trivia

• The writers for Daria were editor Glenn Herdling and Marvel staffer Scott Marshall. The art was Rick Parker.

• This is the first indication of Daria/Beavis and Butt-head shippers. More letters and art by these shippers will turn up in later issues. Luckily, post-Daria this ship has died and been forgotten - or has it?