The Penetration of Stacy Rowe
Written by Catilina (in all likelihood, a pseudonym), The Penetration of Stacy Rowe is a work of Dariarotica. This sex comedy was written as a parody of a more serious story, the horror classic The Emancipation of Stacy Rowe.
In a AU where the residents of Lawndale are all incredibly sexually active, Stacy Rowe is still a virgin because - whenever she is with a male and they begin to make out (much less attempt anything intimate) - she begins to hyperventilate, and then becomes physically ill. This is seen by the males as a sign of some sort of STD, and they avoid her afterwards. At Porndale High, the members of the Porndale High Sex Club (instead of the Fashion Club) have decided that unless Stacy (the only virgin in the club) has sex and soon, she'll be thrown out.
Jane finds out her dilemma and decides to help her, only to double-cross her and sell her as a sex slave to her brother Trent and his band Mystic Trash (this world's version of Mystik Spiral). They demand their money back after Stacy becomes sick again. Despondent, Stacy contemplates suicide when Daria suggests that she drink until she loses unconsciousness. Stacy does, and is then taken by Daria and Tom Sloane over to Brittany Taylor's home, where the entire football team has their way with her. However, because she doesn't remember it (and because Brittany doesn't remember her name), Stacy is thrown out of the Sex Club.
Planning once again to kill herself, Stacy goes to the office of the school paper; she wants to have her obituary written so that nothing bad is said about her. She encounters Ted DeWitt-Clinton and finds that she can become intimate with him without becoming sick:
Stacy: Could it be...
Ted: ... That we belong together. But how can it be? I'm more of a geek than Wolfgang Pauli. And you are even shallower than Quinn. We have nothing in common, our whole relationship would have to be based on sex.
Stacy: Works for me. I have some catching up to do.
The story ends with the new couple sharing a kiss.