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The World According to Daria: Difference between revisions
→Bubble, Bubble, Oil and Trouble
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These days rocketing oil prices have Americans concerned and chagrined. With the high cost of heating oil increasingly forcing families to burn their youngest child for warmth (hey, money is money), Washington is talking about all things crude, and for once they don't mean interns in thong underwear. Will we be forever at the mercy of oil-rich OPEC countries like Saudi Arabia, which has initiated its own energy-saving innovation by forbidding women to drive cars? Will we be forced to return to the ugliness of the gas lines of the 1970s, as we've been forced to return to the ugliness of the fashions of the 1970s?
Naturally, people look for easy answers: cold fusion and perpetual motion machines to the rescue! These are fun ways to defy well-established laws of physics and delude yourself at the same time - just ask [[Jake Morgendorffer|my Dad]], who is currently tinkering in the basement with a broken microwave and some plastic straws. Personally I think we'd be better off hooking [[Helen
Anyway, in an effort to help lessen our nation's dependence on foreign oil, I pledge to follow these energy-saving tips:
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"Narrowcasting" is the key: Networks aim programs at specific, highly targeted audiences, then offer eyeball access to overeager advertisers. After all, what chance do you have of selling ice to Eskimos, unless you've convinced them that your particular brand of ice will make them feel really sexy?
Kind of like splitting the atom (except for the intelligence required), slicing a television audience into ultra-thin demographic slivers results in an explosive unleashing of energy. Duck! Here comes a
Television used to bring people together, as families coast-to-coast gathered around to watch Uncle Miltie's comedic cross-dressing, or to gaze awestruck at bouncy astronauts playing golf on the moon. Now we sit in front of our individual screens, watching programs meant for people who think just like we do, shutting out the rest of the world, rarely deigning to talk to members of our own family. If this is the future, then I'm all for it.
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9. THE "IT'S OLD HISTORY" CHANNEL: My father draws upon a vast library of classic footage depicting his painful childhood experiences in grainy black and white. If you didn't catch it the first time, don't worry. There are constant repeats.
10. HELL-IS-OTHER-PEOPLE-AMUNDO: This one's for me, Daria, and the rest of the Sartre-loving niche audience (or is that Nietzche audience?): It's a station entirely devoted to philosophy. Never mind "Reality TV" -- it's time for "What is Reality?" TV.
===It's All So Taxing===
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==External Links==
[https://web.archive.org/web/20070120071751/http://www.mtv.com:80/onair/daria/worldaccording/index.jhtml Articles via Wayback]
[[Category:Websites]]
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