The Big Wedding (as 'Lyman Moneychanger'): Difference between revisions

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*''Ummm...I'll try to be nice and give only constructive criticism. Everyone was out-of-character. Daria is not the type of person to twirl around in front of a mirror. Aslo, neither she or Jane are so mushy as to tell each other "OH, I love you too." That's what's so cool about them in the show. Thye don't need to say it because they already know it. They were just totally out-of-character. The Fashion Club is not going to go up and hug Daria. They would probably refuse to attend the wedding. Why would Daria even invite them? They haven't ever been her friends. And both Trent and Tom were seriously out-of-character too.

You had plenty of dialogue, but a story should be more than just dialogue. You need to convey feelings, what the characters are thinking and feeling, etc.

*''You had plenty of dialogue, but a story should be more than just dialogue. You need to convey feelings, what the characters are thinking and feeling, etc. Also, from what you said about Jane being 'the best artist at Lawndale High,' I'm assuming that during this story that they are still in high school. Daria would never get married during high school. She's sensible. She would, at least, wait until she graduated from college and got herself settled down in the 'real world' before saying 'I do.' I suggest actually watching the show to observe how the characters really act.''''

Also, from what you said about Jane being 'the best artist at Lawndale High,' I'm assuming that during this story that they are still in high school. Daria would never get married during high school. She's sensible. She would, at least, wait until she graduated from college and got herself settled down in the 'real world' before saying 'I do.' I suggest actually watching the show to observe how the characters really act.''

*''Wow. Somehow you've managed to put crap into words. Why the hell did you even write this?? It's obvious that its horribly written. Stop writing poorly written fanfiction for your own sick entertainment. Do something helpful for the world, like donating your computer so that the world may never have to read this crap again. If your trying to be funny, your not. Are you craving attention? Did your mother never hug you? Did your dog die? Be maturer, and if you can't become maturer, then at least act it. Writing something just to piss someone off is seriously pathetic. Now go delete this story and kill yourself. -Peace out, Terra.''