Quinnts

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Alternate-universe fanfic in script form by The Angst Guy.

As a result of taking faulty fertility drugs, Helen gives birth to quintuplets, instead of her single daughter Quinn. The resulting media attention makes the "Quinnts" celebrities; as a result, the attention of both Helen and Jake is focused almost exclusively on the Quinnts, leaving Daria neglected. Because of this, Daria becomes even more introverted and anti-social, eventually turning to alcohol as a way of dealing with her problems.

The Quinnts[edit]

All five Quinnts have the same physical appearance as the original, and their personalities come from the different facets of Quinn's normal personality, now split between five different people. As detailed by The Angst Guy in the Quinnts series bible, their names and personalities are as follows:

  • Quinn Louise (“Quinn”) Morgendorffer
    • Thumbnail: High-fashion girl, Quinnts coordinator, cheery but proper, has a degree of maturity (but with a power-seeking manipulative streak), image conscious at all times
    • Mnemonic: The oldest Quinnt has Quinn’s name (and her fanfic-approved middle name). She is like the original Quinn—but with a dark, sophisticated twist.
    • Hair: Long and professionally styled in latest trends
    • Typical Clothing: Ultra-stylish, top European or American labels, expensive, tasteful
    • Activities: Teenage high-end fashion model (international reputation), chairman of Quinnts Fan Club
    • Unusual Skills: The most personally charismatic of the Quinnts, adept at interviews
    • Speech Patterns: Extraordinarily diplomatic, unfailingly cheerful and polite in public
    • Smells Like: High-class expensive perfume
    • Best Friend: Sandi Griffin (same grade, one year older)
    • Romantic Interests: Famous teenage male movie stars, singers, models, etc. (none from Lawndale); many male students want to date her but can’t get her attention
    • Appointments: Right on time or fashionably late, as appropriate
    • Daria’s View of Quinn: The prettiest cobra ever hatched
    • Quinn’s View of Daria: “She’s not the oldest—I am the oldest.” A rival for parental affection that will never win, an embittered failure, social outcast, loser
  • Queenie Dawn (“Queenie”) Morgendorffer
    • Thumbnail: Party girl, lives for the moment and all the fun she can create
    • Mnemonic: “Queenie” is queen of the party girls, and “Dawn” has a cheery aspect to it.
    • Hair: Long topknot ponytail
    • Typical Clothing: Wears revealing outfits, always in school colors
    • Activities: Cheerleader, Pep Club vice president, models everyday teen clothing and Lawndale school outfits
    • Unusual Skills: Can hold alcohol better than any other Quinnt, rumormonger, lies easily
    • Speech Patterns: Loud, brassy, interrupts, swears like a longshoreman if angry or drunk
    • Smells Like: Cheap perfume, beer (after school)
    • Best Friend: Brittany Taylor (one grade ahead), all other cheerleaders
    • Romantic Interest: Charles “Upchuck” Ruttheimer III (one grade ahead, trades dirty jokes with him constantly, to his delight), Three J’s, constantly hit on by Kevin Thompson (one grade ahead) but she has no interest in him because he’s Brittany’s boyfriend
    • Appointments: Usually won’t show up at all
    • Daria’s View of Queenie: Queen of the bigmouths, dumber than she seems, troublemaker
    • Queenie’s View of Daria: Not printable
  • Quincy Lee (“Quince” or “Quincy”) Morgendorffer
    • Thumbnail: Sports girl, athlete, tomboy
    • Mnemonic: “Quincy” is a boy’s name, and Quincy is an athletic tomboy. “Lee” also has a masculine sound to it.
    • Hair: Layered, stylish pixie cut, worn on the long side
    • Typical Clothing: Sports outfits (with t-shirts), clothing with sports logos, sweat suits
    • Activities: Basketball, soccer, track, sports clothing and sneaker modeling
    • Unusual Skills: Stronger/faster than other Quinnts, studies popular martial arts but not in great depth, eats a lot but doesn’t seem to gain weight
    • Speech Patterns: Doesn’t talk much, clipped phrases, blunt, says what she means
    • Smells Like: Sweat, deodorant, beer (on weekends in secret), soap/shampoo (on dates)
    • Best Friend: Ms. Morris (girl’s coach), who sees Quincy as a potential all-around athletic star for Lawndale
    • Romantic Interest: Evan (one grade ahead, track team), Three J’s (likes them all)
    • Appointments: Unpredictable—might show up early, late, on time, or not at all, except to sporting events, when she’s always early
    • Daria’s View of Quincy: Soccer-brain, dopey sports addict, too strong to fight fairly
    • Quincy’s View of Daria: Nut case, won’t fight fairly, brain full of useless garbage, loser
  • Quill Kelly (“Quill”) Morgendorffer
    • Thumbnail: Study girl, homework queen, parent/teacher pleaser, Miss Perfect
    • Mnemonic: “Quill” implies quill pens, writing, literacy; also think of a “Kelly Girl” office helper
    • Hair: Long hair kept rolled in a bun, or similar conservative style
    • Typical Clothing: Prim conservative executive outfits, sensible shoes
    • Activities: Reading, ingratiating herself to adults, writing school newspaper opinion column, models conservative clothing
    • Unusual Skills: Extensive knowledge of the law (from Helen), forger and petty thief; reads extensively but rarely in depth, tends to skim materials or read only introductions
    • Speech Patterns: Generally quiet, calm, precise diction (big words borrowed from Daria or a thesaurus), insults sisters using Shakespearean terms
    • Smells Like: Flowery soaps, perfumes stolen from Quinn Louise (if seeing Ted)
    • Best Friend: Jodie Landon (who doesn’t completely trust Quill); Quill otherwise associates with parents, teachers, and other adults, but rarely her own peer group
    • Romantic Interest: Ted DeWitt-Clinton (one grade ahead, once he appears at Lawndale)
    • Appointments: Always early by about 10 minutes.
    • Daria’s View of Quill: Brown noser, butt-kisser, suck-up, not as smart as she pretends
    • Quill’s View of Daria: Messed-up brain not plugged into the system, loser
  • Qualla Rae (“Qual” or “Qualla”) Morgendorffer
    • Thumbnail: Alternative girl, “the baby” (by an agonizing half hour for Helen), wants to be different but also fit in with her own crowd
    • Mnemonic: “Qualla” sounds a lot like “koala,” the small cute marsupial that actually has a bad temperament and either pees on or bites people who hold it. “Rae” is the shortest (smallest) of the middle names for the Quinnts, too.
    • Hair: Often dyes her long hair black, blood red, purple, streaked, etc.
    • Typical Clothing: Wears a variety of outsider outfits (Perky Goth, punk, Wiccan, native, trash/torn, etc., whatever shocks but has a touch of style)
    • Activities: Hanging out with other “cool” outsiders, writing bad poetry, disrespecting authority, complaining about being punished, modeling unusual clothing
    • Unusual Skills: Knows much outsider trivia and gossip, loose cultist ties
    • Speech Patterns: Tries to say everything in dark, moody, angst-ridden terms, but she mixes up her phrases or screws up her words; tends to whine
    • Smells Like: Incense, cloves, chewing gum, pot (at times)
    • Best Friend: Andrea (one grade ahead, but she has trouble stomaching Qualla Rae)
    • Romantic Interest: Mystik Spiral members (groupie wannabe, but the members avoid her), any outsider boy with cool clothing and a bad attitude
    • Appointments: Always late by 10 minutes or more
    • Daria’s View of Qualla: Fashionably alienated with emphasis on the “alien” part, attention-getter with no attention span, poser without poise
    • Qualla’s View of Daria: Boring, brainy, loner, loser

Extremesters[edit]

The first installment in the Quinnts series, roughly paralleling the events of Esteemsters. Daria and the Quinnts start at Lawndale High, where the Quinnts are already worshiped as celebrities, and Daria is seen as the weird and troubled sister, when she is noticed at all. Daria meets Jane Lane and, after learning she can trust her, shows her the downsides of being a sister to celebrities; she tells Jane how she has been betrayed by friends in the past, and how her parents destroyed all her writings after deciding that she was troubled and needed help. Daria also introduces Jane to her aunt Amy Barksdale, her only other confidant. In the meantime, the Quinnts begin to develop their own relationships at Lawndale High.

"Extremesters" explores the downside of fame, the ruthlessness of the media in prying into the private lives of celebrities, and the lack of trust that pervades the lives of the rich and famous.

Though written as the first of a series, The Angst Guy has not yet written another story in the "Quinnts" continuum.

Links[edit]

[1] at The Angst Guy's page of Sick Sad World fan website