Artie

Artie at a UFO convention

Character Overview

Artie is red-haired UFO buff and pizza delivery boy who first appeared in "Esteemsters" and later in "The Lawndale File" and "A Tree Grows in Lawndale." He was also an obstacle of sorts in the Daria video game "Daria's Inferno."

Artie in the Series

Artie in the series is portrayed as a nearly-psychotic, barely functioning UFO nut whose obsession prevents him from holding down a job. It is often assumed that he is a student at Lawndale High, though that isn't necessarily clear from the series.

Artie's obsession with UFOs appears to have taken a turn into madness long, long ago. In an interview with Sick, Sad World, he went so far as to accuse Daria and Jane of being aliens, who had forced him somehow to lose his job delivering pizza. (Other dialogue in that episode makes it plain that Artie has lost many jobs.)

His UFO mythology is even strange by those standards. Among other things, he believes that aliens are stealing humans' skin, because the skin remembers everything you see, taste, or touch. He also believes that the aliens who kidnap him periodically also press his pants and do "a nice job."

Artie in Daria Fanfic

Artie's numerous appearances in fanfic have been extremely consistent to type. He is usually depicted as a pizza-delivery guy or pizza waiter, but he sometimes has other jobs (paperboy, subpoena server, babysitter, etc.), having lost his previous employment for predictable reasons. His appearances are brief, minor, and humorous, with a few notable exceptions. It is not uncommon to see him interviewed on Sick, Sad World about his various alien encounters and abductions, with which he is perpetually obsessed. He seems delusional, but once in a while (in science-fiction tales) his wild claims about aliens turn out to be perfectly correct. He is present in the background of the John Lane series, The Look-Alike Series, the Driven Wild Universe, and many more besides. He also appears in several crossovers, being mentioned in passing even in a Doctor Who tale, Yui Daoren's "Doctor Who Gives a Damn."

Typical examples of Artie's appearances in fanfic include the following, in no particular order.

• "Suffer the Children" by Peter Guerin
• "Essay of Exile II: Return to Lawndale" by RedPanther
• "Ring Toss" by Nemo Blank
• "Darius" by TAG

More unusual examples appear below.

• "Interview with the Alien" by Galen Hardesty (Artie in semi-major role)
• "It's That Guy" by Richard Lobinske (Artie in semi-major role)
• "Daria 2010: The Treasure of Angela Li" by Robert Nowall (Artie in the future, hasn't changed much)
• "Weekend at Barch's by Patrick Moore (now a paperboy)
• "Courtroom Trauma" by Ben Breeck (now a process server)
• "The Exercise Project" by Thomas (now a parttime babysitter)
• "Cynic Wars: Episode IV: A New State of Hopelessness" by Matt (amusing crossover with Artie as a Jawa replacement)
• "A Hard Days' Night" by TAG (Artie as a paranormal crimefighter with alien connections)

Artie's most atypical roles in fanfic are given below.

• "It's a Wonderful Life, Not" by Thomas (amusing crossover with Artie as an incompetent angel)
• "A Day in the Married Life" by Mr. Anonymous (highly unusual alternate universe story featuring a recast Artie)
• "Too Many Choices" by Nemo Blank (excellent expanded comedy role)
• "Alien Home" by Richard Lobinske (see Artie Simmons); well-cast dramatic role in the Mother's Love series
• "Alien Heritage" by Richard Lobinske (see Artie Simmons; this sequel to "Alien Home" expands upon his character)
• "But Now Is Found" by TAG, part of the Outers series (possibly the only "evil Artie" in fanfic)

Artie reappears at Pizza King in "A Tree Grows in Lawndale"

External Links

• Character description on Outpost Daria
• Character description in the Daria Character Database on Glitter Berries
• Possible source of Artie's problems (DFB2)
• Artie's brief monologue on the MTV website
• Anthology of Artie-centric fanfiction on Sh33p's Fluff
• Fan art of "Crazy Artie" by DJW, part of a large number of crossover illustrations involving a giant robot (mecha) universe